doesn't it make you feel as if they could be disappointed in you for the things you do? My grandma recently passed away last Friday, and it got me thinking.

First of all I know we all have our own beliefs, but I somewhat believe that when a person passes on, they can watch over you and see what's going on in your life. And that's when it kinda hit me. My childhood life pretty much was spent around her, so she seen how I grew up. Then things changed and so I wasn't always around her. She doesn't know what I do or go through now as I grew up. So to me she still sees me as that little boy with a good behavior, angel of a kid I used to be. Of course since I've grown I'm not the same as I was.

So now it almost feels as if she could be watching and seeing how my ways are today. It just doesn't sit right.

Hope you all understand what I'm saying here.

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother.

If it is so that our love ones do watch over us after their passing, I don't think they judge in that way. I don't think you should be ashamed about anything. You grew up and of course your gonna be different than who you were as a little boy. I think your grandmom knows this too and all she cares about is you the person, so she will watch over you know matter what. I'm really sorry for your loss. It sounds to me you were very close to her.

Sorry to hear about your grandma..

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma Ant. I know its hard to deal with. I too believe in someone being able to watch over you. Like I feel it with my mom from time to time. But I've always pictured it as she is checking in on us to see that we are OK, not to check up on our behavior. I'm sure she is proud of you. I don't think they look in to judge either.

i'm so sorry about your grandmother, ant.

i too believe they watch over us after they are gone, and i don't think they judge us either. i see judgement as only pertaining to this world.... only love is real.

Ant, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers still. How are you doing?

Thanks everyone, I've thought about the whole judging thing a few times before. But I always get over it pretty easily.

I'm doing pretty good about it. Sometimes I feel awkward because I don't show emotions when someone passes away. Doesn't mean I'm not sad about it, but she went through a lot and lived a long life and there is no more suffering or pain to go through. And I know she is in a better place and that's what matter most to me...anyways.

Awww Ant, I'm sorry. It seems as though Grandma was a very important part of your life. I understand completely what you're saying. I just recently lost my Dad and as hard as I try I just can't get over it.

I personally think that my Dad is with me ALL the time now. I still can talk to him and Lord knows I still love him. But not having him when I need him or simply when I want to talk to him is really killing me right now. I'm sure with time, I'll be able to come to grips with it, but not yet.

I tend to keep my feelings to myself mainly because I'm suppose to be the strong one. I put up an iron clad facade, but inside I'm dying. On more than one occasion recently, I've been caught crying like a baby...shhhh don't tell anyone. Life goes on and I'm sure your Grandma and my Dad wouldn't want us to do anything less than be ourselves. That's why they loved us.

(((((hugs)))))

quote:

Originally posted by SID:
I tend to keep my feelings to myself mainly because I'm suppose to be the strong one. I put up an iron clad facade, but inside I'm dying. On more than one occasion recently, I've been caught crying like a baby...shhhh don't tell anyone. Life goes on and I'm sure your Grandma and my Dad wouldn't want us to do anything less than be ourselves. That's why they loved us.

(((((hugs)))))

I love ya Sidders. I know you guys how rough it is dealing with this. For me, its actually hitting me a year and two years after the fact. Its when I least expect it that it gets me. Like a song on the radio will set it off. Sidders, you gotta get it out of your system or it will eat away at you. I know, trust me.

I think we need a group hug.

quote:

Originally posted by ~ReAligned~:

I'm doing pretty good about it. Sometimes I feel awkward because I don't show emotions when someone passes away. Doesn't mean I'm not sad about it, but she went through a lot and lived a long life and there is no more suffering or pain to go through. And I know she is in a better place and that's what matter most to me...anyways.

Ant, we all react differently. Theres no reason for you to feel awkward. I felt like that with my mom when she died. It probably had alot to do with the fact that I knew it was coming for a couple years and had time to deal with it. But it was peace at last for her, I know what you mean.

We all have paths we must walk on. Both alone and with other peple whom we care about. You both cared deeply about the ones you lost, but look at it in this way: their suffering in this life is at and an end, and they are in a better place. They have gone through the trials, and hardships that had to endure, and have left this world with much wisdom, and exsperence. Do not mourn them because in reality they are not gone, but merely around you, and a part of you. Hold onto the things they have taught you, the gifts they have gave you long ago, and all will be well. I know within my heart they do not judge you, but love you, and are proud of whatever it is you do with your life.

With Love and Hope
~Roibeard

Sorry to hear about your grandma, Ant. Don't feel awkward about not showing emotions. We all deal with death in the family in many different ways, none of them are more proper than others.

and why would you feel as if she were watching you? because you know that she loves you and cares for you very much. far be it from such a heart to judge. we are all only human. & we do the best we can. sometimes we forget that no one else is perfect either. funny that we all feel the same thing sometimes. so alone only in our own minds. we never look at each other & go- holy sh*t, you're just as f*cked up as me-.

I wish we would.

Just stumbled into this thread – and it’s a good thing, as I was considering posting my own --- something about the afterlife and what happens…yada, yada, yada.

Firstly, “ReAligned” – belated condolences on your grandmother. Be grateful that you had her in your life. I never had the opportunity to really know any of my grandparents (my father’s parents died LONG before I was even a “concept”; my mother’s father died when I was 2, and her mother died when I was 6. And my memory sux…)

Sid – ditto, belated condolences on your father’s passing. I was “Daddy’s Little Princess”, and my father passed unexpectedly in 1983, from an aortic aneurysm in his stomach. It was a week after my beloved Uncle Hughie (my mother’s little brother) died from cancer. My father was only 56 years old; Uncle Hughie was about 48; I was 14. And devastated. It’s now 25+ years later (anniversaries were Feb 13th and 20th), and to be honest, I still miss him terribly. I still do cry for him.

But that was not why I was drawn to this subject. I lost my mother New Year’s Day, 2005. And there were some strange events that occurred in the days around her death that have totally convinced me that they ARE there.

1. As she was in the Emergency Room, and we’d (her “baby” brother Jerry and I) made the decision to let her go peacefully, rather than intubate and all that crap, we knew this was “it”. The nurse, thru tears of her own (my mother was VERY familiar to a lot of the medical staff at this hospital, as she was a “great patient” for them; never complained or anything! She saved all the bad stuff for ME to deal with!), asked if we wanted a priest. I said that she would. They asked what parish, then if we’d mind if they called one a little closer (which was fine with me). While my mother was slowly slipping away, I overheard someone out in the hallway mentioning this other local church. I kinda chuckled to myself, that it’d be a riot if “Father Luke” walked in. (Explanation: Over the last two years of my mother’s life, she made 5 separate visits to this hospital, and she’d gotten to know Father Luke during one of the first two stays. My mother had to laugh because he was a ringer for her favorite NY Met at the time, Joe McEwing. Of course, Luke was a Yank-me fan. One time, when he was giving her a healing blessing, she had the ball game on and the Mets scored a run! Luke stopped, said, “I didn’t want THAT to happen! I take it back! I take it back!” My mother got such a kick out of that! Of course, during those two years, my mother was on my back to go to his church and see Father Luke for myself, as I’d always just miss him at the hospital!). Just about midnight, the curtain parted, and I didn’t even have to look at the nametag – I knew it was him! I almost broke out laughing! I told him (and my uncle Jer) that I was sure she’d arranged this to happen! They both looked at me like they felt I needed that “special jacket” with the buckled arms. After I told everything to Father Luke, I think he remembered who she was – and he gave me some reading material (about dealing with loss), and told me if I needed to talk, to feel free to call him (very nice of him – above and beyond the call of duty).

2. A few things happened to my uncle, too:

a. Got a bunch of calls regarding his job search(he’d been unemployed for about 3 months) – after a complete drought for a couple of weeks.

b. Cell-phone that hadn’t worked for 3 weeks suddenly worked again.

c. 2 unemployment checks that he’d been expecting to arrive during the second week of January were in his box – on the 3rd of January!

3. The last thing: my name was wrong in the obituary. I was “Susan” in the obit; my name, is, by the way, Sharon (I have limited imagination for userIds and passwords and such!). The funeral director was apologizing to me profusely, as he could not understand – when he typed up the paperwork to send to the newspaper, he proof-read it MANY times, and he could swear that it said “Sharon”. Most people would be rather peeved about that, I’m sure. Not me! Why? VERY few people know/knew that my father had a sister named Susan. She died in the 1920s or ‘30s, from a tonsillectomy (bled to death, basically, is what I was told). She was about 9 years old. I was almost named “Susan” too! Upon my birth, however, the drunken Callahan uncles dug up a Rose of Sharon bush from a Brooklyn yard, and left it on our doorstep in upstate NY. My mother had been questioning the “safety” of naming her daughter after a girl who died as a child, and considering that my real last name is very close to rose, it just struck her – THAT’S what she’d name me. My father liked the idea, too! (Just a quickie Catholic/Christian note: the “Rose of Sharon” is one of the “nicknames” – for lack of a better term – of Mother Mary. The Rose of the Valley Sharon.)

D’ya know that bush STILL grows in front of my house? At one time, the town’s “road crew” had thrown hot tar on it, and it died! Or at least we thought it died. About 2 years later, I started seeing little “shoots” of new growth on the old stems and such. Damned thing is almost as tall as my house! Still blooms every year, too! But I digress…

Thing is: I’m convinced my mother was letting me and my uncle (and others) that she’d crossed over. The final thing (with the obituary) – she was letting me know she was with my father. Not only that, but things that were concerning her about my uncle (job search/cell phone not working/money shortage) – strangely got “handled.” First, the job search had dried up at that time. Second, the cell phone – hadn’t worked in 3 weeks. Jer went to a “techie” - the kid didn’t do a darned thing to the phone – it just spontaneously started working again! Finally, the 2 unemployment checks were not supposed get to him until the 2nd week in January. It was the first business day in January that he GOT them!

I know my mother cleaned up those issues for Jer, and she reached out to me to let me know she was okay. (In a half-hearted joking manner, she used to say she’d “let me know” if she was able to!) I know my mother and father are watching over me. And I know she has moments when she’s probably proud of me, and I know there’s some things she’s sorely disappointed, and probably so is my father. Given my recent medical adventure (pneumonia, hospital, operation, intubated, etc…), I figure she may have been trying to prod me to quit smoking. Held up…for about 3 weeks after I got out of the hospital!

(Okay, so now when I add that I watched her suffer for YEARS with smoking-caused lung disease…NOW you see why she’d be disappointed! And I’ll understand why you’re throwing rotting fruits and veggies at me! )

I have only told a few people about this – part of me feels they won’t understand (and they’ll be ordering me a jacket with buckles on the arms!). But, since this idea came up in here, I thought I’d “dump it” in...it’s worth about $0.02…