I typically don't ask for help like this, but I could really use some positive thoughts and all now, and if anyone would like to offer advice, feel free.

I've been off at college for a bit more than a month, and I'm slipping down, quick. Since I've been here I've had to start going to a shrink (thankfully there are free ones at the school), for several reasons. I'm doing what I love, but I feel I'm no good at it, and there is so much work I just feel overwhelmed ad over-stressed. I've had 2 breakdowns since I've been here.

On top of it all, I've been battling with an eating disorder since I've been here, which has made me loose focus in class, and be physically unable to do stuff in cinematography (which is what I want to major in).

I think part of it may be being on my own for the first time, and a lack of life experience, I'm only 18, and the program at my school is really intense (which is why I picked it). I just feel like I need more time, which I don't really have here.

I feel lost, and I'm trying to take charge of my life again, and pull myself up. I really am, It's just a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Sorry for the long rant. I just need to get some of this stuff off my chest.

Your in my thoughts and prayers. Its good the school provides help. Thats the first step. I really don't have any advice; I wish I did. I have a bit of experience with my family so I understand a little. But whats important is that you have someone to talk to.

Its probably a combination of things catching up with you. College and being on your own is a huge change. Not to mention how stresful college can be in itself. It may have something to do with your age too.

Whatever it may be, I hope you find peace as soon as possible. I hope you feel better soon and remember, we are here if you need to vent.

I find it amazing what the little things can do. After my breakdown in class today I took a shower, made myself pretty, and took pictures of the sunset. Taking the pictures proved to be really helpful.


Thanks by the way.

finding things that bring us back to our center sure does help. just do your best hun... and when i say that i mean YOUR best... not what someone else thinks is best for you.

i hope you find your own groove in it all and start feeling better about it.

wishing you luck and happiness!

I want to send some positive vibes your way.

Thanks guys!

Little things do matter, they allow to take care of yourself without disrupting your stressful day. And when you do something just for yourself, it helps to balance out stress and negativity. So make sure you continue to do little things. As you just saw, it works.

Don't worry about how good you are. The point of being in a college is to learn, not to excel as a student every waking minute. Allow yourself to be imperfect here and there and just do the best you can. Once you are better adjusted to your new life, you can set higher expectations for yourself and see how far you can take it.

Meanwhile, come to vent and rave as needed. We will be here for you.

Why must everyone know everything here. Ahhhhhh! I just got an e-mail that says I need to meet with the Director of Academic Programs at the film school. I'm thinking it might be because of my in class breakdown. Aren't people allowed to have really, really, bad days here? Why do I have to meet with this person. I'm already on a positive track, I don't want to talk with anyone else.


Sorry, everything just keeps piling on right now.

I, too, had to deal with an eating disorder and depression while in college. It wasn't fun. I know exactly what you're going through. But I'm glad you got help long before I did. Talking to someone ABSOLUTELY helps. Continue going to see someone. You'll make tremedous progress, and if you have a day where you "slide backwards" you'll have someone there to support you. So kudos to you for finding that help.

As for finding things that "center" you, Yelena (CoffeeOwl) is correct, as usual. The problem that I'm struggling with currently is finding WHAT exactly centers me. Because the things I thought I love just...don't seem to work out...but that's a different subject. I'm very glad to hear you've found something that can relieve that stress. You'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Everything is piling on today. This morning I thought things were getting better, I've talked to teachers, I've started eating again and according to my counselor I've moved forward a lot since last week.

However when I got back to my room, things were different. I checked my e-mail, and I got one from the person in charge of film academics. She wants to meet with me. At first I thought it might be because when I broke down in class, I told the teacher I was having a hard time with stress, but then I went to editing class.

Before class I checked my student mail box and in it I found an envelope with my name on it. I opened it, inside was a Student Assessment Form, from my editing teacher.

I think it's a letter of concern, but I'm not sure. He basically wrote about how I made a 70 on m mid-term and about how I my need extra help.

I don't know who else got the letter or if it was just me. I'm guessing since the letter refers to me in the 3rd person that someone else received a copy.

Now I'm freaking out, I'm worried that I may be put on arts probation. This is the worst time for this to happen. I was picking myself up, moving foward. God this sucks. I was so stressed I pigged out all day and I started smoking again. This is so not good.

Sorry, I just need to rant some more.

just remember to not be hard on yourself and that improvement starts with one step, then another, then another. sometimes you will take a step back or two, but you can always recover them... they are always there for you to take when you are ready.

How did the meeting go?

The meetings went okay. My meeting with my adviser went really well. He's a cinematography teacher, and we were able to talk a lot, about an hour. He's a great guy.

As for the meeting with the Mrs. Thompson, it went okay I guess. One of my teachers shared concern after I had a breakdown in class, and talked to her. Plus I had a mid-term assessment sent in from my editing teacher. She basically wanted to make sure I was healthy I guess, and to make sure I wasn't going to screw up too bad.

I'm back on the path to doing well though. Things are bad with my American Cinema class, but other than that I'm happy and doing well in every aspect of school and social life.

whether things are going well with everything isn't as important as you being happy with it all. i'm glad things are better for you!

I'm happy with most things going on. A couple relationships need fixing, and I need to see my counselor again for some other issues, but I'm happy here.