Been thinking...(I know, very dangerous)...but I am wondering how many people are truly selfless in their actions? How many give without any expectations whatsoever? I am not talking about giving to the point where you are putting yourself in harms way (financial also)...but where your actions are selfless when it comes to family/friends/strangers.

The other day, my child held open a door for a stranger. Mind you, he is six and has ADHD and is just learning the concept to think of others. He expected nothing in return, knew I was waiting for him, and walked away with the biggest grin on his face when the stranger said "Thank you" to him. He made me very proud.

I am reminded to speak kindly to others. To have the courage to be the first person to smile at a stranger, and not feel badly if they don't smile back. (It isn't a reflection upon me that they aren't happy in that moment, but they will go through their day possibly reflecting as to why they didn't react) To offer myself in assistance to others.

It is so easy for us to get caught up in the moment of tit for tat. React to others instead of acting first. The fear of rejection I think stifles us the most. But learning how to break free of those thoughts is so liberating.

Hmmmm....I think I need to hug Kat again. LOL

i'm sending you a big hug then! and some baby slobber sugars too!!

The fear of rejection can play a role too, but did you ever notice how often kids are taught to do the right thing with the incentive of receiving something in return? Help with a house chore - and here's your reward, treat a sibling well - and here's your reward. Be a good person - and you will go to Heaven. How about just being a good person (whatever good might mean to you)? How many adults teach their kids that it's not that difficult, nor does it require a lot of time to help out a stranger with a small thing?

Just a quick side note: wa-a-a-a-a-y back, when I took Psych 101 - "they" teach you a little bit about "learning theory" - which is, well, theories on how "beings with brains" (myself excluded ) learn things. One particular fact came clear through for all facets of "learning" - "positive reinforcement" (reward) is better than "negative reinforcement" (punishment). When all you do is punish the bad behavior (or unwanted behavior), the subject often develops a sense of hopelessness, depression, anxiety, etc. But through reward, a subject has a pleasant experience, and hoping to recreate the pleasantness, will repeat the good (wanted) behavior.

(Yeah, I used to run mice thru mazes and stuff like that! Whoopdie-freakin'-do! And then I also did some stuff for school, too! )

Now, with lower-level animals, a physical reward is needed - such as, a food pellet. (Example: Bird pecks push-buttons in a certain order, a food pellet is fed to it.) With higher level animals, funny thing - the reward can be physical or emotional. Think of a dog - how happy he gets when you praise him. The emotional bond of petting. A milk-bone would be nice - but a dog will respond to you simply to get your praise. (I hesitate to use a cat here - my cat will respond to praise, but most cats wouldn't respond unless you had the entire Whiskas inventory at your disposal! And even at that, they'd have to feel like it!)

WitchyWoman - to your son, the "Thank you" and your pride in him were his "reward." By his smile, you know it gave him that warm, fuzzy, happy feeling inside. THAT will increase the probability that he will repeat this action in the future (not specifically holding a door, but helping someone else...). He doesn't need a fancy new toy to tell him he did good --- "Mommy" let him know.

That's how my father was. Always there to help anyone out, never expected anything in return. Which was good, because he often got nothing in return for his help. His "reward" was a good feeling inside that he'd helped a fellow human being (or animal - it was said he was a sucker for anything furry...I'll leave that up to your imagination, as I don't want to think of anything else but puppies, kittens, and bunnies right now!). I'd like to think he taught me well. But I must be honest and admit that sometimes I will get upset if my "good deed" is not acknowledged. Not so much that I get pissed because someone didn't say "thank you" - it's more like, I've continually used my time and resources to help someone time and time again - and it's not that this someone can't do it, it's that they don't want to do it and schlep it off on me - and it's really something they should be handling (I'll refrain from specifics of this situation...) Oh, well...never said I was perfect. Just awfully darned close to it

I think the days of "selfless actions" are pretty much over. I mean, I think there will always be some people who will be selfless, but I think the ways of this world have turned to where the majority of people are so caught up in their own stuff, they can't see "the big picture" beyond their little corner. And to a small degree, I blame pop-psychology for it. Why? We got so paranoid about raising our kids, gotta give them super-self-esteem, can't give them an "F" in school 'cuz it'll hurt their little psyche, red pen marks on papers give kids "anxiety", etc... To a degree, we've gone over the top with this stuff. Kids today are "learning" that the world will coddle them. And when it doesn't...kids think it's "unfair" and that the world is against them, yada yada yada. They don't learn that they are responsible for their own lives.

And we aren't much better. WitchyWoman, please understand that I am not passing any judgment on you or your kid, but I do feel that MANY cases of "ADHD" are misdiagnosed. I think that in many cases, some kids act out in class just to be a clown or the center of attention, the teacher doesn't like to have to deal with this behavior, so she makes a report to the school shrink who in turn deals with a doctor to make the "official" diagnosis and Ritalin dope-up to "Stepfordize" the kiddies. Again, I want to reiterate that I do know there are some cases where it is needed (my cousin's son is one who does need it, he simply cannot function without his meds), but I do feel that it is over-used and abused in society as a whole.

SK - I take nothing here personally...and I rather enjoy your long-winded posts. It adds mucho flavor to our rather large melting pot here. And I agree with you on parents being led so easily into believing that their children NEED Ritalin (or any other psychostimulant). I have had some rather long discussions here in being proactive in your children's lives. I mean being ALL the way active. Yes, my son has ADHD. Does this excuse any of his behavior? Hell no. I hold him to MOST of the very same standards as I would any other child. And I say most because I can recognize when he is reacting to his ADHD, and when he is reacting as a energy filled little boy. The end consequences would be the same, but how I handle it is different. (IE: if it's impulsive, I gently remind him that he needs to remember to count to three in his head before responding and he still has his consequences)

But I need to get off that topic because I will go on and on and on and on.....LOL

In dealing in the business of people, I find how much some people take things for granted. Or when walking in to a patients room with a smile on my face, makes the world and brightens their day. I expect nothing in return. Yet I hear conversations when others ask, "What is in it for me?"...Or they only perform actions to benefit them...Or they use others as stepping stones to get to other people...ETC. In seeking for my own growth, it saddens me to see more and more people just NUMB in our society. Or worse, they are so self-absorbed that they don't realize there is a whole big world out there.

The one thing that people do that really brightens my day is open the door for me. It happens so seldom nowadays. I try very hard at work to be friendly to people at all costs because I know how easy it is to turn someone's day around. One way or the other.