I don't usually post alot of personal things on this forum but I am in need of some help with a situation I am in that requires some serious thought. I have been around the boards for awhile and alot of you have great minds, thoughts and ideas and I would appreciate any input from you that you would like to give.

To the point, my soon to be ex-husband has decided to start having a public relationship with a girl that we have been friends with and known for a long time. This girl is supposed to be one of my closest friends so this will give you a little insight on her moral character, and the kicker being that she is also my daughter's godmother. So let me put this in terms, when my daugther is out in public with them as a couple and is asked who they are, her reply will be Daddy and Aunt. Does anyone else find this to be f'ed up or is it just me???? I am trying to be the bigger person here for my daughter's sake however I truly feel that they are NOT taking her best interests into consideration here. Any advice would be appreciated.

Oh I got you here Heather. The exact same thing happened to me. With my hairdresser/friend. Stupid heffer.
No, they are definitely NOT putting your daughters best interests first. Without a doubt.
Tell your lawyer. Tell him to file a legal separation and have it ordered that until the divorce is final your daughter need not be in the presence of another woman. They can and will do this. Why? Because for most people it's a no-brainer. I mean, duh.
Unfortunately for you and me, some people need to be told.
Fortunately for YOU I chose an alternate route that cost me $100 and a few hours in jail and an assault charge on my record. Do I regret it? Hell f*ck no.
Would I do the same thing NOW? No.
Now I would ignore them altogether. I would do just what I told you to do and not a say a single word about it. I would not even acknowledge those two idiots.
See...by me kicking that slamhounds ass and getting into trouble they got the appearance that they had 'won'.
What would bother both of them MORE is if you were to act as though you don't care that he's with her, you just won't let the skank hang with your kid.
That's gonna piss her RIGHT OFF. But it's not in any way the wrong thing to do.
Let them hang themselves. They will.

Oh and I'm totally serious. Don't say a f*cking thing to either of them. Not a word. They are so beneath you at this point it would be like pissing on the ground. Just don't bother. Ya hear me Heather? Not a single word to either. Don't give them the satisfaction of thinking you care. They will thrive on it. You know I wouldn't steer you wrong.
OH, and I find it's always a good time to reinvent myself. Whatever I gotta do...lose ten pounds...get my hair done....buy a new wardrobe...whatever. It makes me feel better. Focus on you girl!!! You got a 'get out of jail' card! Celebrate! He's her problem now.

Crys, I start to think that Kat was right about you and the book.

quote:

Originally posted by CoffeeOwl:
Crys, I start to think that Kat was right about you and the book.

I'd buy it. But I better get a gaddarn autograph!

quote:

Originally posted by TehBeav:
Oh I got you here Heather. The exact same thing happened to me. With my hairdresser/friend. Stupid heffer.
No, they are definitely NOT putting your daughters best interests first. Without a doubt.
Tell your lawyer. Tell him to file a legal separation and have it ordered that until the divorce is final your daughter need not be in the presence of another woman. They can and will do this. Why? Because for most people it's a no-brainer. I mean, duh.
Unfortunately for you and me, some people need to be told.
Fortunately for YOU I chose an alternate route that cost me $100 and a few hours in jail and an assault charge on my record. Do I regret it? Hell f*ck no.
Would I do the same thing NOW? No.
Now I would ignore them altogether. I would do just what I told you to do and not a say a single word about it. I would not even acknowledge those two idiots.
See...by me kicking that slamhounds ass and getting into trouble they got the appearance that they had 'won'.
What would bother both of them MORE is if you were to act as though you don't care that he's with her, you just won't let the skank hang with your kid.
That's gonna piss her RIGHT OFF. But it's not in any way the wrong thing to do.
Let them hang themselves. They will.

What she said.

quote:

Originally posted by heather alone:
To the point, my soon to be ex-husband has decided to start having a public relationship with a girl that we have been friends with and known for a long time. This girl is supposed to be one of my closest friends so this will give you a little insight on her moral character, and the kicker being that she is also my daughter's godmother. So let me put this in terms, when my daugther is out in public with them as a couple and is asked who they are, her reply will be Daddy and Aunt. Does anyone else find this to be f'ed up or is it just me???? I am trying to be the bigger person here for my daughter's sake however I truly feel that they are NOT taking her best interests into consideration here. Any advice would be appreciated.

bless your heart dear girl. your ex is not thinking of your daughter's best interests right now but it's obvious to everyone except him. i hope the court will allow you to hold off on visitation until the time is appropriate for her to be around them - if they even last that long. people like your ex and your ex-closest friend don't know true loyalty so it seems as if they deserve each other and they deserve to burn each other out as well. and i don't even want to get started on this "friend". how in the hell could she justify even showing her shameful face to your daughter in the presence of your ex!?!?!? does she have no morals? she has totally turned her goddaughter's life upside down and inside out and still wants to proceed as if all is well!!?!?!? gah!! i feel for you heather. i wish i had practical advice but i'm too pissed at the situation to even think clearly.

Upon my boyfriends advice I am really trying to keep everything out of the courts. He said once it is in the system - it's there to stay. All I have to do is get him to sign an agreement and file it.

Beav - I am always grateful for your insight on these things. You and I seem to be alot alike in ways that I greatly appreciate your thoughts and feelings on all this crap I am going through. I am working on it. If it was not for the wonderful man I am with now I would have beaten the living crap out of probably both of them by now!!!! Don't worry, I will not let them win. It did mess with me and I am very angry but they will hang themselves for sure.

Drake - Thank you for caring to read and comment. Loves to my dragon.

Kat - I am glad you took the time to read and comment. You understand my anger at the situation (not saying that teh beav does not). I told the ex that my daugther could not call this woman Aunt anymore and that we had to sit down and tell her. Well we did yesterday and it upset her, and when I went outside to tell him that I just want him to be happy and our daugther to be healthy and happy he said then why did you just hurt her by doing that!?!?! Can you believe the guts on this guy - he is the one who could not date outside the box and it's my freakin fault!!!!

Thank you again for your time and opinions on this - I am trying to do what is best for my baby girl here. I will keep you guys posted in my world of "As the Stomach Turns"......

*******UPDATE**********

Well good people of the boards - there have been developments!! I have gone to a lawyer and gotten some advice. My new man needs to move out temporarily if I'm going to pursue the ex helping me pay the mortgage - the lawyer said to get a P.O. Box so he doesn't get any mail and to have him stay somewhere else at least 1-2 nights a week and I'm good. Other than that I have a good case for what I am asking for. The ex has decided to do things the hard way - our daughter (I thought) was supposed to start gymnastics last Saturday (I was a week early - she had to be registered by last Saturday) so I go to the gym where she is supposed to be - No ex. So I try to call and he hangs up on me. Well, I walk outside and there is the baby girl, my ex, my mother-in-law and the ho bag!!! Boy was I pissed off!!!! He knew I was going to be there, I texted him an hour earlier telling him that!! So my mother-in-law grabs me and keeps me from doing anything stupid. We all leave. Well the next day while he is moving more of his stuff out he says to me - "You need to be nice to the ho or I won't speak to you anymore". Well you know, I actually thought about this!!!!! Until my best friend was like - WTF!!!! He's giving you an ulitmatium - well nobody tells me what to do so.......it's funny how you think you know somebody.......
Anyway, I'm stressed to the max and thought I would update those of you that cared to read. Any support would be apprecaited.

I wish you the best and hope everything goes well for you. **Sends positive Vibes your way**

You have gotten some great advise here stick to it and stay calm. if you go off you will pay not them. roles reversed but my uncle had something close to this happen. he did lots of ass kicking and he got into a lot of BS. he eventually relaxed tended to his kid as much as he could and let things cool off. when the seperation is complete and new rules are set thats when you get some friends and have them through a blanket party for the trash who wronged you. LOL

Thank you for your thoughts and support. The ex is doing a good job of not speaking to me - it makes it hard to raise a daugther with him but I guess he doesn't want to. Oh well - I tried. My stress level is still huge but this too shall pass - not to mention I've gotten new prescriptions!!!! Yeah - better living through pharmicuicals (sp?)!!! I told him that when, not if, when the ho screws him over then I will get my time......I will come for her. I guess he didn't like that. Oh well.......